I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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