Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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