I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
