Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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