No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
