I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
