I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
