Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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