I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my poor anus
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
