I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
