Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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