You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
