is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
