fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
