this beer tastes like vomit already
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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