Don't make out with my wife yet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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