first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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