but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
