my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
