the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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