Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
