i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i'm inner monologue high
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
