Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
