So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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