M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
