i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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