Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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