Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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