Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
