today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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