I wish I could punch you in the face.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
