Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
