There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
