its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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