Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
