shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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