What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
