Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she peed on how many people?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
