we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize