i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
