if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
