Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
