I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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