I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
