the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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