some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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