there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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