Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
