In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
