So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
