I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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