Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
