3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Don't make out with my wife yet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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