dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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