My hand turned me down
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
