4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize