Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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