my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
