i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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