I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize