just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
