I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
