she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
