Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you win again, gameday.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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