i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
