Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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