How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
