toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize