i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
