I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
