eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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