dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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