I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
