I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
