I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
