Cold hands, warm shart.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
