Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
